"& Hansel said to Gretel; Let us drop these bread crumbs so that together we can find our way home because losing our way would be the most cruel of things. & once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely. Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are."
I hate myself. I hate myself for being so hypocrite. For being so mean. For being so loud. For being so stupid. For being me. But I just can't help it. Don't you understand? I just can't control my emotions. My feelings. I am sorry for being me. I am tired of being me too.
"Staring at people sitting during a stop light, you can learn alot. Within the 10 second range you are with them. They are confidence, or lack of it, shines through at that very moment they realize you are looking at them; for they can either look away or stare right back at you & hold that gaze until the light changes green."
I must be the worst friend on earth. I dislike you. But I can't just bring myself to says it. To admit it. All I can do is to store it inside. All of the hated. The feelings. The disappointment. The jealousy. The anger. The sadness. The emotions. Like a gas bubble waiting to explode.
Trust me. I know. I know how it feels like to look in the mirror, & hate what you see. I know how it feels like when someone tells you they care about you, but leaves at your lowest point. I know how it feels to think that there's absolutely nothing about you that's all that amazing, or unique, or special.
Who am I?
I know how you don't think you deserve any of what you have, because you think you're worthless. I know how hard you think before you say or do anything because you try so hard to be good enough for everyone. I know how you can't bring yourself to trust anyone.
What am I?
I know how you think you're an idiot, for loving the ones who hurt you and hurting the ones who love you. I know how you can't sleep at night because of all the things that go through your mind. I know how your heart aches because you've been so hurt before, because someone promised you something and left you.
Life used to be much easier. Much simpler.
I know how you're scared to death of that happening again, and now you can't let anyone in. I know how much you can't trust yourself not to hurt anyone who enters your life. I know how you feel so fcxked up, like you're a freak for feeling this way and nobody could ever understand how you feel. But let me tell you, You are not the only one who ever felt this way. You're not alone.
Honestly my life is so screwed up. I don't even know why am I even feeling like this. And why am I even acting like this. Just like a totally pathetic desperate bitch. I just can't stand myself sometimes. I get paranoid too easily I guess. But that's part of me. I can't erase that part. No matter how hard I try.
Ending off now. xo
"They hate you if you are pretty, They hate you if you are not. They hate you for what you lack, They hate you for what you got."
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