"they told me that
the human heart is roughly the size of a fist
punching the desk as hard
as I could
the skin on my knuckles tore open
blood surfacing, shooting pain up my arm
when asked why I did it,
I could only say that I was testing
my heart
these days, I still ball my hand
into a fist, & just stare at it for a bit
I do this every day, & sometimes I'll punch something
like my desk, or a wall
or the drawer that holds all the letters
my fist has gotten a little larger since then,
but it still breaks & bleed
just the same"
Monday, March 24, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
watch my wildest dreams come true
& not one of them involving you
Starting this post with overdue photos from cross country heh. |
| 4IT :D |
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| sherry & germaine yay |
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| what to expect from a class of 38 girls |
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| in the sea |
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| 2 most retarded bffffffzzzzz |
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| water bombs ft joyin my unglam buddy |
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| hailun hehe |
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| jingyu look like she is emitting light i cannot |
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| bimbos |
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| ultimate bimbos x 2 clubbing in the field |
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| love my hair in this picture AHAHAHAHA |
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| candid class outing picture hehe |
Watched Divergent with Huiru yesterday. DIVERGENT IS DAMN GOOD!! Although the start was a bit boring/confusing & I honestly quite scared of the show being disappointing because Huiru wanted to watch Mr Peabody at first but I told her to watch Divergent HAHAHA. Caught the earliest show, which was at 10:25am. Was walking to Macs when we met Gabriel, & we pestered him as usual hahaha.
Me: Wah siala who you meeting sia your girlfriend ah?Huiru laughed so hard she smacked my arm, hard. HAHAHA. Went Macs & was studying halfway when someone tapped my arm, turned around & saw JingJie, who was with Carissa, & a few other badminton people blahblah. Carissa came & sat with me & Huiru bc she was awkward with the rest of the people there LOL.
Gabriel: No lah my neighbour
Me: Huh why can't you just meet your neighbour outside your house??
Carissa: What's Divergent about?
Huiru: It's like a long time ago, there was this two land that diverge, & it's called the divergence.
Carissa: Huh really??
Me: Yep then got this girl stuck in between the two land so she was called the "divergent" & that's where the name came about.
Carissa: Omg
Carissa: Seriously
Carissa: Wah
Huiru:
Me:
Carissa:
Huiru:
Me:
Carissa: Oh.
It was bloody funny because for a moment, Carissa actually believed us. & when she finally realized it was bullshit, her expression was totally
Watched non-stop with Benny, Jonathan Chew, Sabrina, & Zhanau on Wednesday before CO. Not a bad movie, but I felt it wasn't thrilling enough haha. Ate at the foodcourt. & I spilled soysauce on myself. ;-; So I shared yong tau foo with Sab, & she put this chilli plate (idk what's called lol) beside our bowl. There was a bit of water in it & I thought that perhaps the cleaner didn't dry it properly, so I swung the plate & wanted to let the water dripped on to the floor & GUESS WHAT IT FREAKING SPILLED ON ME & GUESS WHAT IT WASN'T WATER OK IT WAS FREAKING SOY SAUCE ASDFGHJKL Z. Then there was this patch of light brown stuff on my skirt which looked like menus lewl & I smelt like a walking soy sauce bottle :-(
Went to Popular & there was this guy from sec 3 cohort, then I asked Sab whether I know him a not, & she said yes. So I went & say hi to that guy then he stared at me and then at Sabrina and then at me again & I was like "erh.. u know sabrina right", & then sabrina came & pulled me away & she was said "i lied omg idek him"
I feel damn embarrassed for myself okay bye.
Ran all the way from Dakota to CO room because we was threatened that CO room will be locked from 2pm onwards.. Didn't manage to reach on time & we reached at around 2:05pm but somehow the CO room door was still open AND THEY TOOK ATTENDANCE ONLY AT 2:15pm SO WOW WE RAN FOR NOTHING OKAY KUDOS TO CO YAY///
Went for dinner at KFC with Celine, Cherhsien, Gordon, James, Jonathan, & Sabrina. Intially Cherhsien asked Sabrina for dinner & Sabrina asked me & Celine & James then somehow I forgotten that Sabrina asked me for dinner so I went to ask Gordon & Jonathan along & it somehow ended up as a very weird combination HAHAHAHA.
End off this post with some pictures hehe.
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| hazel drew this for me during mon's bio lesson LOL |
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| fieldtrip on tues!! |
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| movie on wed :-) |
Oh I suddenly remembered something.
Okay so anyway, my mum got admitted to the hospital due to some issues, visited her yesterday & wah shit something epic happened :-( LOL ok so I was hungry hence my dad gave me money & ask me to go down to buy food for myself. Since I rarely visit SGH, I didn't know where the lift was at, then there was like this two pathways, one of them leading to the visitor's lift, & the other was for staff at SGH only. The visitor's lift had like this automatic door which will open only when they sense someone near to it, & I thought it was like a locked door so I headed to the staff's lift.
I tried pressing the buttons outside the lift but the lift door refuse to open. There was this sign that states "flash your card against this sensor to open the lift door" so I used my ezlink card & kept flashing it against the sensor but the lift door still refuse to open??? I was feeling annoyed because it's 8+pm & I still haven't had my dinner. >:((
Then this nurse came over & she flashed her card & the door opened um okay so I followed her in and she stared at me and I stared at her and she stared at me and I stared at her and she stared at me ok lol I was just kidding. She pressed the level 9 button & so I looked at the levels and the first weird thing: there was no level 1, there was only B1, level 2, level 3, etc. I didn't want to look pathetic so I just wait till the nurse alighted at level 9 before pressing level 2.
I was like debating with myself whether I should go B1 or level 2, since there wasn't any level 1. Before the nurse got off, she looked at me uncertainly & the worse thing was I just dismissed her. Ok so now this is where it all begins lol, I alighted at level 2 & mistake number 1: I got off the lift. Only when the lift door closed, then I realized something was wrong, because there was like freaking lifts everywhere?? Then every corner I turned it's just lifts & lifts & THE LIFTS ALL REFUSED TO OPEN & THE DOOR TO THE STAIRCASE WERE ALSO LOCKED. & no matter what I do they refuses to open???///????.<..?.. All the lifts have the same sign which states: "flash your card against this sensor to open the lift door", which was what I had seen before. & I freaking went and tap my ezlink card infront of the sensor ok I cannot believe myself. HAHAHAHA SHIT, I was walking around aimlessly for about 15minutes trying to get the damn lift doors to open by all means but I fail.
I was really frustrated so I called my dad to complain & he asked me where was I & I was like "level 2" & he said he will come down to find me. A while later he called me & said "I am already at level 2 but I can't see you." So honestly I was soon freaked out because I thought I was like stuck in some other dimensions or something HAHAHAHA.
My dad asked me which lift number am I at, & I was like: "erh here the lift numbers got all kind of numbers sia, got lift number 8 lift number 9 lift number 10 lift number 11 etc etc" As my dad helped in the renovation of SGH before, he went: //translated from chinese// "wtf u went the wrong lift la". In the end my dad had to ask a nurse to come & get me out AHAHAHAHAHALADSJFSSDKLNAJDLFNA IT WAS EMBARRASSING AS HECK UH AND IT IS ALSO DAMN FUNNY OMG I CANNOT BELIEVE MYSELF?? HAHAHAHA. & my dad couldn't stop laughing. I told Huiru this & she was like "please don't tell anyone you are my friend"
Kk I shall go do my egeog marked assignment now?? YAY BYE.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
because we live and we die
Internal conflict on whether should I blog & I decided to do a short update before heading to sleep (refers to my title AHAHAHA lol k) Just finished my NYAA which felt more like a blog post rather than a reflection due to my use of language LOL. I find the "adventure part" we are supposed to do in NYAA quite retarded because we are required to write about what happened in sec 3 camp. UH HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST YEAR WHEn I can't even remember what I ate for lunch yesterday lewl. Anyways field trip tomorrow to Orchard Road yay!
It's the March Holidays but tbh it feels more like "a normal school week which no school on Thursday" because I have to head back to school on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, & Friday lol. Plut the amount of homework & revisions I have to do .. urm NO nO No no NO no. I am feeling very frustrated right now because I am trying to upload pictures onto my dropbox BUT MY COMPUTER KEEPS LOSING CONNECTION TO THE INTERNET sobz.
Common test just ended & although I felt that the papers were do-able, I am not too sure about whether is it score-able. (oh my god I am so funny laugh plz ahaha hah aha hahaha). I shall make it a point to blog once every two weeks because my blog is seem kind of (actually, more of, very) dead right now due to the lack of posts. T_T Actually idek why do I blog. HAHAHAHA. My blog posts are not even those encouraging kind of posts which I read that goes like "after a hurricane comes a rainbow, and you must learn to stand after you fall, because this is life, we must appreciate it because everything is beautiful, beauty is in the eye of the beholder ho ho i am so motivational" ok I was just kidding but seriously hahaha maybe one day I will look back & goes ahh so this was me when I was 16.
JUST WATCHED FINISH YOU WHO COMES FROM THE STARS IN 3 DAYS AND OH MY GOD IT IS REALLY NICE I CANNOT EVEN WAH SERIOUSLY CRIED LIKE SOME GAY DURING THE LAST FEW EPISODES. THE WORSE THING IS I WAS IN THE SAME ROOM AS MY SISTER SO I HAD TO HOLD MY TEARS IN AND IT WAS INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT BECAUSE THE WHOLE SHOW MADE ME FEEL LIKE BAWLING MY EYES OUT I KNOW THIS IS KIND OF SLOW BUT DAMNIT I AM SO HAPPY I FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS SHOW ARGHHhhhhHHHHhhhHhhhHhHh NOW I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO PURPOSE IN LIFE BECAUSE THE SHOW ENDED?? AND KIM SO HYUN WAH KIM SOO HYUN HE NEED MAINTAIN UH PLEASE QTPIE81ZZZZXC WHEN HE CRY I TOTALLY FELT LIKE DYING BECAUSE IT HURTS??? AHAHAAHA ok i can go on spazzing forever but I think I should stop lollol.
Totally not anticipating school reopening because it will be just another term with shitload of homework and shitload of revisions and shitload of tests and bloody retarded grooming checks which I feel is totally not necessary AT ALL. Hmm anyways I feel kind of down this few days because past memories keep flooding back although I tried to block it out but I guess I will survive it?? (Y) OKAY SHALL NOT THINK TOO MUCH, time to organize my table and head to bed. Hope tomorrow will be a good day for me and that will be able to blog soon. :D
It's the March Holidays but tbh it feels more like "a normal school week which no school on Thursday" because I have to head back to school on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, & Friday lol. Plut the amount of homework & revisions I have to do .. urm NO nO No no NO no. I am feeling very frustrated right now because I am trying to upload pictures onto my dropbox BUT MY COMPUTER KEEPS LOSING CONNECTION TO THE INTERNET sobz.
Common test just ended & although I felt that the papers were do-able, I am not too sure about whether is it score-able. (oh my god I am so funny laugh plz ahaha hah aha hahaha). I shall make it a point to blog once every two weeks because my blog is seem kind of (actually, more of, very) dead right now due to the lack of posts. T_T Actually idek why do I blog. HAHAHAHA. My blog posts are not even those encouraging kind of posts which I read that goes like "after a hurricane comes a rainbow, and you must learn to stand after you fall, because this is life, we must appreciate it because everything is beautiful, beauty is in the eye of the beholder ho ho i am so motivational" ok I was just kidding but seriously hahaha maybe one day I will look back & goes ahh so this was me when I was 16.
JUST WATCHED FINISH YOU WHO COMES FROM THE STARS IN 3 DAYS AND OH MY GOD IT IS REALLY NICE I CANNOT EVEN WAH SERIOUSLY CRIED LIKE SOME GAY DURING THE LAST FEW EPISODES. THE WORSE THING IS I WAS IN THE SAME ROOM AS MY SISTER SO I HAD TO HOLD MY TEARS IN AND IT WAS INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT BECAUSE THE WHOLE SHOW MADE ME FEEL LIKE BAWLING MY EYES OUT I KNOW THIS IS KIND OF SLOW BUT DAMNIT I AM SO HAPPY I FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS SHOW ARGHHhhhhHHHHhhhHhhhHhHh NOW I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO PURPOSE IN LIFE BECAUSE THE SHOW ENDED?? AND KIM SO HYUN WAH KIM SOO HYUN HE NEED MAINTAIN UH PLEASE QTPIE81ZZZZXC WHEN HE CRY I TOTALLY FELT LIKE DYING BECAUSE IT HURTS??? AHAHAAHA ok i can go on spazzing forever but I think I should stop lollol.
Totally not anticipating school reopening because it will be just another term with shitload of homework and shitload of revisions and shitload of tests and bloody retarded grooming checks which I feel is totally not necessary AT ALL. Hmm anyways I feel kind of down this few days because past memories keep flooding back although I tried to block it out but I guess I will survive it?? (Y) OKAY SHALL NOT THINK TOO MUCH, time to organize my table and head to bed. Hope tomorrow will be a good day for me and that will be able to blog soon. :D
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
X-COUNTRY x CLASS OUTING 28.02.14
It's 12:30pm on a weekday & it feels so good to be rolling around on my bed, typing a blog post as I binge on toblerone instead of sitting in class attempting to keep myself awake and prepare for period 6. So happy that I finished my elearning woohoo!!!!! FIRST TIME IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL EDUCATION I MANAGED TO COMPLETE ALL THE SUBJECTS ALLOCATED (or maybe it's the fact that the subjects are all relevantly easy)
Anyway yez I am back go blogging woots! MIA for around 3 weeks?? Currently busy with school so yeah didn't had much time to spare. Common test next week & guess who haven't started on revision? (me) ((what's new lol)) Started a two weeks of no napping policy for myself because I want to kick my habit of excessive napping (Y) //determined// & so far 1 week down, another week to go! :D
Going to revise Chinese & SS later so yeppppz, hopefully it will be productive. & on a happier thought, I survived 2 months of school!! *throws confetti* Okay so I am going to be blogging about what happend on 28 Feb?? Which was my school's cross country + my class's mini class outing haha!
Arrived at ECP at around 7am after fetching Huiru & Jonathan from Blk 147, walked around aimlessly trying to find a sea of blue amidst a mixture of colours, & obviously I failed. Followed Huiru for a while before Mr Chua(??) started shouting at us to sit down & I manage to spot Ziminn so I went over to join her. Sung national anthem, school songs, the pledge, & followed by the boring speech & the dancers, blah blah blah blah yeah the usual procedure. Half the time I was looking for my class list which I carelessly lost but thank god Mr Ang had an extra copy ;-; After that it was the competitor race & the competitor runners had to assemble etc etc, frankly speaking it was quite boring because we were made to wait out in the sun for like 1 hour?? Lol wtf ok so it was just another camwhoring session for me & my friends, as usual, duh. Oh & my class had this idea whereby we had army paint marked across our face like bc it's sort of tribal & my class tee design is tribal theme ((i guess)) so yep, i think it is cool & yeah quite satisfied because it made my whole class seem unique hehe.
Okay yar some camwhore photos HAHAHAHA
After that it was fun run where we were actually supposed to run 3.6km?? But girls being girls, obviously no one ran (maybe a few?) & I was initially planning to run with Ade but I backed out of it heh. Fell down while talking to Angela & the cuts on my leg are damn gross bc I have no idea why are the cuts so perfect and straight. :( Ew disgusting. After the fun run it was prize giving ceremony oh & my class won first prize for the girls team!!! Actually it was kind of expected lah haha considering the fact that Jillian got first for the individual team (?? idk what's the word omg), Jasmine got third, & XinYee got sixth! Lol.
//... I have no idea why is this blog post so boring?!//
Asked around for who is staying around for the outing, & was about to order the pizza with Carissa but Ms Mong made me go to SJAB to clean up my wound. :( So I was like a lost puppy idk bc my phone was with Carissa & I feel so far away from the class as the SJAB was like at some isolated corner LOL came back & realized the class was taking class photo & everyone was getting impatient bc at some point of time, one person will be missing. In the end they couldn't find chenlaoshi so we took without her AHAHAHA but soon after she came so we took one more haha.
Gathered at a shelter near the carpark for the class outing. Had dog and bone water fight where it's a water bomb in place instead of a bone, was fun because everyone cooperate & mixed around even though when we splot into two groups, they weren't with their own clique. After that, some played at the beach whereas some sat at the shelter & talked among themselves idk?? Oh those at the beach burried Tedric ahahaha! We wanted to push Harvey into the water but failed. :(
The pizza came after an hour but me & Carissa din get to eat it bc we were cleaning ourselves up in the toilet & the forgotten about us >:( HAHAHA. Weiling shared her slice with me though hehe yay.
Most of the people left after the pizza, leaving around 15 people? But still glad that they made the effort to join us though it was only for a short while hahaha.
& then we had the mummy game, where we are split into 2 groups, & each group have this mummy they are supposed to protect from the water bomb.& at the end, the mummy which was wetter would be the loser. My group's mummy is Celine & everyone was just crowding around her because the other group had the last water bomb, & the look on her face when she was getting squash by everyone in my group to prevent the water bomb from getting onto her is really damn priceless LOL. & bc I was protecting her head, I was literally soaked as the other group aimed the last water bomb at me wtf!!
Then we had a last game where it was kind of a flour game ok I am too lazy to explain it BUT IT SUCKS OKAY BECAUSE I CHOKE ON THE FLOUR. BUT IT WAS STILL A GREAT TEAM EFFORT HEHE. Regina left after that & the rest of us walked to the cycling kiosk which was damn far away lah?! Carissa, Hazel, YunShuen & James left first so I walked with WoonTin there & half the time we were complaining about the heat and the distance and how comfortable we are HAHAHAHA. Had a 10 minutes internal conflict on whether or not I should rent a bike & it the end my last thought before making the decision to rent a bike was: "ah, damn it". LOL. Went for cycling with Gabriel & WoonTin, while the rest either cycled the other way or was taking care of our bags or was teaching Germaine/YunShuen/Ziminn how to cycle. Germaine & YunShuen managed to master it but Ziminn the noob failed. >:)
Cycled back & met the EP girls who were having a mini girls outing too & I fell down bc I tried to act kiang & cycled on the sand AHAHAHAHAHA. Sat down & had h2h talk with Tedric, Hazel, Gabriel, & yunShuen (it was more of a gossip section) & cabbed home with Germaine, Hazel, & Sherry at about 5pm.
Although not the whole class was there, I am kind of glad everyone enjoyed it & that everyone participated yay!!!
Shall end off here, heading to TM later to buy Celine's present later HAHAHAHA (i know she will be too lazy to read this post haehae) SHALL FINISH CHI & SS TODAY WHOOSH OKAY BYE.
Anyway yez I am back go blogging woots! MIA for around 3 weeks?? Currently busy with school so yeah didn't had much time to spare. Common test next week & guess who haven't started on revision? (me) ((what's new lol)) Started a two weeks of no napping policy for myself because I want to kick my habit of excessive napping (Y) //determined// & so far 1 week down, another week to go! :D
Going to revise Chinese & SS later so yeppppz, hopefully it will be productive. & on a happier thought, I survived 2 months of school!! *throws confetti* Okay so I am going to be blogging about what happend on 28 Feb?? Which was my school's cross country + my class's mini class outing haha!
Arrived at ECP at around 7am after fetching Huiru & Jonathan from Blk 147, walked around aimlessly trying to find a sea of blue amidst a mixture of colours, & obviously I failed. Followed Huiru for a while before Mr Chua(??) started shouting at us to sit down & I manage to spot Ziminn so I went over to join her. Sung national anthem, school songs, the pledge, & followed by the boring speech & the dancers, blah blah blah blah yeah the usual procedure. Half the time I was looking for my class list which I carelessly lost but thank god Mr Ang had an extra copy ;-; After that it was the competitor race & the competitor runners had to assemble etc etc, frankly speaking it was quite boring because we were made to wait out in the sun for like 1 hour?? Lol wtf ok so it was just another camwhoring session for me & my friends, as usual, duh. Oh & my class had this idea whereby we had army paint marked across our face like bc it's sort of tribal & my class tee design is tribal theme ((i guess)) so yep, i think it is cool & yeah quite satisfied because it made my whole class seem unique hehe.
Okay yar some camwhore photos HAHAHAHA
After that it was fun run where we were actually supposed to run 3.6km?? But girls being girls, obviously no one ran (maybe a few?) & I was initially planning to run with Ade but I backed out of it heh. Fell down while talking to Angela & the cuts on my leg are damn gross bc I have no idea why are the cuts so perfect and straight. :( Ew disgusting. After the fun run it was prize giving ceremony oh & my class won first prize for the girls team!!! Actually it was kind of expected lah haha considering the fact that Jillian got first for the individual team (?? idk what's the word omg), Jasmine got third, & XinYee got sixth! Lol.
//... I have no idea why is this blog post so boring?!//
Asked around for who is staying around for the outing, & was about to order the pizza with Carissa but Ms Mong made me go to SJAB to clean up my wound. :( So I was like a lost puppy idk bc my phone was with Carissa & I feel so far away from the class as the SJAB was like at some isolated corner LOL came back & realized the class was taking class photo & everyone was getting impatient bc at some point of time, one person will be missing. In the end they couldn't find chenlaoshi so we took without her AHAHAHA but soon after she came so we took one more haha.
Gathered at a shelter near the carpark for the class outing. Had dog and bone water fight where it's a water bomb in place instead of a bone, was fun because everyone cooperate & mixed around even though when we splot into two groups, they weren't with their own clique. After that, some played at the beach whereas some sat at the shelter & talked among themselves idk?? Oh those at the beach burried Tedric ahahaha! We wanted to push Harvey into the water but failed. :(
The pizza came after an hour but me & Carissa din get to eat it bc we were cleaning ourselves up in the toilet & the forgotten about us >:( HAHAHA. Weiling shared her slice with me though hehe yay.
Most of the people left after the pizza, leaving around 15 people? But still glad that they made the effort to join us though it was only for a short while hahaha.
& then we had the mummy game, where we are split into 2 groups, & each group have this mummy they are supposed to protect from the water bomb.& at the end, the mummy which was wetter would be the loser. My group's mummy is Celine & everyone was just crowding around her because the other group had the last water bomb, & the look on her face when she was getting squash by everyone in my group to prevent the water bomb from getting onto her is really damn priceless LOL. & bc I was protecting her head, I was literally soaked as the other group aimed the last water bomb at me wtf!!
Then we had a last game where it was kind of a flour game ok I am too lazy to explain it BUT IT SUCKS OKAY BECAUSE I CHOKE ON THE FLOUR. BUT IT WAS STILL A GREAT TEAM EFFORT HEHE. Regina left after that & the rest of us walked to the cycling kiosk which was damn far away lah?! Carissa, Hazel, YunShuen & James left first so I walked with WoonTin there & half the time we were complaining about the heat and the distance and how comfortable we are HAHAHAHA. Had a 10 minutes internal conflict on whether or not I should rent a bike & it the end my last thought before making the decision to rent a bike was: "ah, damn it". LOL. Went for cycling with Gabriel & WoonTin, while the rest either cycled the other way or was taking care of our bags or was teaching Germaine/YunShuen/Ziminn how to cycle. Germaine & YunShuen managed to master it but Ziminn the noob failed. >:)
Cycled back & met the EP girls who were having a mini girls outing too & I fell down bc I tried to act kiang & cycled on the sand AHAHAHAHAHA. Sat down & had h2h talk with Tedric, Hazel, Gabriel, & yunShuen (it was more of a gossip section) & cabbed home with Germaine, Hazel, & Sherry at about 5pm.
Although not the whole class was there, I am kind of glad everyone enjoyed it & that everyone participated yay!!!
Shall end off here, heading to TM later to buy Celine's present later HAHAHAHA (i know she will be too lazy to read this post haehae) SHALL FINISH CHI & SS TODAY WHOOSH OKAY BYE.
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