It's currently 4am & I have school the next day but I don't feel like sleeping hah. So reccently I feel that my life is like.. urm very screw up? & the main problem is I can't be bothered. I used to enjoy going to school so much (ok maybe it's because we're in the same class lol) & now it's just like "THERE'S SCHOOL TOMORROW?! Sian." 0% motivation for me to get out of my bed. 0% motivation for me to drag myself to school. I turned more & more lazy. Like really l-a-z-y. When I get bome I will just nap from whatever the timing is to dinner time then I will wake up, bath, eat dinner, & GO. BACK. TO. SLEEP. Yes the story of me in 10 words. Is like I just give up, on life, on school, on the world, on everything. Idk why I suddenly feel the urge to do maths assignments (i owe like five million amaths assignments & ten million emaths assignments) today ahaha & I finished 4 of them!! ^_^ Back to the topic, there's this little tiny piece of me telling me to "hold on, don't give up..... y e t" so yes I shall vow on 7 things I want myself to change FOR THE BETTER. :D
Time check: 4.10am.
School's starting in: 3 hours time.
Get better grades.
My results are failling. Terribly. I got seven underlines for my progress report. SEVEN. I want to change that. Oh wait no, I need to change that. MYE is coming up in 20 days time. 20 days for me to prove my worth. One day I will make my parents proud I swear!! To do so, I need to stop slacking. Like really, S T A H P. & just focus on whatever I am doing. Is almost impossible because slacking is so tempting. :( Plus I am easily distracted. But I will do MY best. I shall promise myself that I will study AT LEAST two hours each day, & not to use my phone while studying! Mugger mode: On.
Minimize my OCD.
Having OCD sucks. For me, I have to keep rewriting & rewriting & rewtiting until I reached perfection. I HATE IT. I can't stand ugly handwritings, or crumpled papers, or unstraight lines. It may sound like a joke to you but the reason why I use such a long time to do work is because I have to make sure everything is perfect. It's tortuous, I swear. I am determine to change this disorder away because it is ruining my life. But I shall not be so weak to let my life crumple away because of this stupid thing. One day I will be proud to say, "Hey, I conquered my disorder." :-)
Stop feeling sleepy all the time.
I can sleep for a veryvery long period of time. & still feel sleepy. There was this incident where my friend called me while I was napping, I woke up at around 9.51pm & I saw the missed call. I whatsapp him & I was like: "Eh sorry I was sleeping!! Why you call me?" He replied a little while later, at around 9.52pm with "Answer your phone leh." But the thing is, I FELL ASLEEP ALREADY!!! I was totally mindblown the next day like how the heck did I fell asleep in one minute?! Like honestly I got up & just replied AND AND I FELL ASLEEP AGAIN errh lol. I was studying Chinese on Tuesday & I swear I totally din know how I even got on to my bed halfway thru when I was studying. It's like I just climb on to my bed without me knowing which is like asdfghjkl ok because I really wanted to study but I just fell asleep. :( I used to be oh so awake in class last year but this year I find myself sleeping in almost all the lessons. Urgh this is really bad, I shall stop being such a pig ok oink.
Time check: 4.30am.
I REALLY NEED TO SLEEP WHOOPS alright shall continue with this tomorrow~ :)
