Pent Up Frustrations;

"She's pretty, friendly & smart. Of course you would like her."

I am ranting on full speed tonight, So do bear with me.

Secondly, fuck my tuition. Seriously. Cheebye. I ask question get scolded, I dun ask questions ALSO get scolded. Knn la I go there not to listen to you pmsing OKAY. Ask you questions I already know I would get scolded so OBVIOUSLY I rather not ask right. #LOGIC. _l_ Then I dun ask you, you would scold me say I come here do my own work never ask any questions. OBVIOUSLY IS CAUSE YOU ALWAYS PMS AT ME THEN I WILL NOT ASK RIGHT. FOR FCXK SAKE. I do your method you would scold, I do my method, you would try to FIND FAULTS with it. If either ways I would STILL get scolded then frankly speaking k, I rather do my own method EVEN IF IT'S WRONG. & thanks for discouraging me countless times by saying I would fail my tests. But guess how much I got? 22/25 FOR THE LATEST ONE. In your freaking face bitch. I would still go for your tuition, of course. But I honestly wish that you could just change your way of thinking.


Thirdly, the guys in my class. They need to GROW UP. I already know I am gonna be freaking kicked out of the school already but do you guys have to add salt to the wound? Bet you all dun even friggin' know I mug till 1am everyday & that I have to keep up a smile & face all of you the next day. Do you even know how tiring it is to keep up a smile everyday? BUT I DID. I did it. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. Putting on a smile & pretending everything is alright & it's not hurting me. But deep down, do you all know how much it freaking hurts? Just cause I would just laugh it off it doesn't mean I am okay with those endless insults. I am stupid. Yes I know. But instead of finding faults with others, WHY NOT LOOK AT YOURSELVES?, Before you start pointing fingers, MAKE SURE YOUR HANDS ARE CLEAN. So please stop discouraging people all of you fucktards SO EVEN IF I GET KICKED OUT IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING CONCERN. Sometimes I wonder, why the hell am I even trying? Then I realized the answer. Because I want to go on & on & on, till the day I die, to prove you all wrong. Because one day, I WILL.



I am sorry for those vulgarities in my post. Shall end here. Till then. x

I hate Mondays.

I have 2 tests the following week & I have yet to study them. Which left me wondering, WHY THE HELL AM I STILL UP HERE BLOGGING. Went over to Cleo's house with Amelia, JiaYing & PuiTing today. We din even do anythin. xD Watched Scary Movie 2 then camwhore! Ate maggie mee & ice cream & eggy eggy bread & agar agar & tons and tonnns of chocolate at her house. I FEEL LIKE A GLUTTON. Camwhore like hell then we tried on the accessories in Cleo's house. :P HER HOUSE IS DAMN AWESOME I SWEAR. I have a freaking late overdue elit evaluation which was supposed to hand up last Tuesday but I haven even touched it lolwutk so I shall go start on it now! Bye my lovely(?) blog okbye iloveyou K BYE.

(P.S I JUST WOKE UP AND I AM LIKE DAMN BLUR RIGHT NOW SO THIS POST DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE OK.)

Endlessly, Aimlessly.

I am sorry for fucking up our friendship.

Back to blogging! Sorry for MIA-ing yesterday. Had tuition all the way to 9.30 :( Geog & Eng test today. Sian.

I dun get it, it's not like I am pms-ing or anythin (k maybe I am) but I just feel like stabbing everything in my sight. I get irritated damn easily now of days. & I will break into tears all of a sudden. WIthout any reasons for doing so. Thanks people for bearing with me. :/

I hate getting stuck in friendship chains & friendship chains & friendship chains. If I do this, that side will angry. If I do that, the other side will angry. If I don't do anyrhing, both side angry.

I have totally no goals for my life. I dun even know what I want to be when I grow up. Is like I am just wondering around. Endlessly, Aimlessy.

"Is not that I hate you. Let's just put it this way. If you are on fire & I have a glass of water...., I would drink it infront of you."

Chinese & Chem text next week. Fml. So many god dammit tests. What's the big freaking deal of studying & getting some freaking degree. I really dun understand. You are not gonna paste that damn sheet of paper on ur forehead & go around the MRT train showing everyone "I have a university scholarship degree." What matters most is ur attitude, personality & your outlook on life. If you are some friendless degree holder with thoughts of committing sucidea everyday, I dun see how a damn piece of paper is going to help you. Maybe I am just not made out for studying.

If you are some arrognat, thinking you are "inferior" & da best out of da best kind of person, you should go & bang a wall. Seriously. I can't stand proud people #ttvfm, or people who like to boast, & making people feel worthless. This kind of people in the world, is a BIG nonono.

Society have changed the meaning of "studying". Fuckyou, society. "They say everyone's beautiful, then they judge us." Studying. It's about gaining knowledge for oneself, for your own benefits. It's NOT about being so fcxking competitive just to be at the top. Students now just study & study & study. The reason? To get a good class & get a good school & get a good grade & get a good job. To survive in this fucking society. People just dun understand the real meaning of studying. In their head, all they ever think when it comes to studying is to "Get a good grade, Be the best, Beat everyone, Get the top in class." How about those naturally dumb people? They will be at the bottom, while those "Degree Holder" would be at the top. TheEnd.

Ok I have done ranting for the day. Shall sleep now cause my eyelids are really attracting to each other, just like 2 North & South pole magnets, getting ready to collide.

May tomorrow be a better day. Nights!

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You just put your lips together & You come real close. ☻

Blogging via com now! Haven touched the blogger dashboard on com for quite a long time. Ahahahah. Been updating for 2 days in a row already! #LikaPro. Heh. Hope this continueees. So currently I am doing the Bio Script! ALL. BY. MYSELF. YAYYYYYY. Ok Cleo got help with da script uh. Then I just edit. BUT I edited quite alot. .____. K nvm. Tomorrow's lesson sucks. BIG TIME. Wtf urghh. Bio < MATHS < ART < CHINESE < CHEM Those in caps are those which I DISLIKE. So technically, out of tomorrow's 5 periods,. I DISLIKE 4 OF THEM. -___- Maybe (low chance) Chinese would be somehow IF AnnoyingMeiXia is not so biased & pms & asshole & paranoid. Staying back tomorrow. Sighhhhhs. Have no idea what to do for tomorrow's staying back session also. I hate it when I plan something then it fails then everyone blames me!!!!! I mean like helloooooooooo,? I already made the initiative to plan when none of u would then when it fails it becomes my fault?? Lol k. So not looking forward to tomorrowwwww. Iknow I already like said it 9326847 times but I am still gonna say it again. >:) BWAHAHAHA. Psh.& I keep seeing this unlucky number everywhere!! #badluckShuQin. Hate that time ttfvm. :< Shall go nap for awhile before waking up to mug Geog!! I hope my Stats for my blog can increase. ^-^ Teehee. Alright I shall go now since this is getting pointless. Shall blog when I am free. Nights!

I am glad I am forgetting you. x

Hello! Halfway thru da third week of July. Time flies so fast. It's kidda scary. :/ I hope time slows down!! Want to enjoy this last few months left with LY. Ok & I totally din exoected YooJin to view my blog! Ahahahah. Hmm. No homework for today. Woots. Tmr is damn slack. ^-^ Cause HealthScreening in the morning! Then is ACC (VIDEO TIME. :D), Chinese (GUAILAN TIME. :D) & English (C.NA DEBATE. ^^). Maybe going Texas Chicken with Huiru, Shuqing, Jasmine & JiaYing tmr. :B Awwh Andrea & Alica cmi. :x e & Annabel & me changed place with JiaYing & FangYing cause of some disrupt between me & Jasper. :/ But it's ok now. ^-^ OH & KAIFENG ACTUALLY SAID THAT HE MISS ME SITTING INFRONT OF HIM AWWH AHAHAHA I AM SO TOUCHED. :') So now I am currently sitting beside Benny, infront of JiaYing & behind of YuJie! & there's cutecute Brendan to talk to when I get bored. :> Plus I can annoy Viari!! Hee. But always have to turn around to talk to JiaYing or FangYing. :( Damn mafan. D: THEN I WILL SEE JINGHAO'S FACE. PSH. Staying back on Thursday for elit project! Hopefully it goes well. :X Btw my elit gp is JiaYing, MingShun, JingHao, & YingXian. The similarity I spotted between the boys in my group is……………… THEY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED IN SOME KIND OF SCANDAL WITH AMELIA BEFORE. MUAHAHAHA. Ik I smart k thx. My senior actually thinks me & Benny are steading!!! Ok wtf man. WE. ARE. NOT. WHY SO MANY PEOPLE THINK WE ARE. PFFT. Just cause I walked to class with him. -___- Ok that was random. Watching Just Follow Law now! :D DAMN HILARIOUS. Ok I keep laughing non-stop. Kay anyway went to Old Airport Road with Clarissa, JiaYing & FangYing today! ^^ Shall end off this post with a photo. >:D Hehe ciaos! ;)

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Mentally, Emotionally, & Physically Exhausted.

Hardcore Mugging; Here I come.

Gonna be busy this weekend! Have to study Chem & Geog. :/ Test next week! Ahh. Oh btw I have changed the privacy of this blog. Now everyone can view it. First time trying for a system like this. :x Hopefully it would not be awkward. Having so damn many friendship problems these few days. & not forgetting the fact that I have no one I can trust now. Screw it. Sighhs, it's sad when all the people I've trust had let me down. No point dwelling on it now. Just fuckyou, & you. My hate for you is growing more intense day by day. Fcxking slut. Ownself no friends need steal my friends for fuck? Opps k I need to control my language but that person is damn freaking. Okay nvm shall not say it here. Fake. Yupp, that's the word use to describe you. Oh what a darn perfect word it is - Fake. Maybe that shall be ur new "pet" name? ;) Finally found a texting buddy; Clarissa. Trollollol. But kidda happy anyways. :D May be taking ErHu Grade4 Exam this EndOfYear. ><" Hohoho. Hopefully I might be able to make it! Haven been smiling so much nowofdays. Ah sighs. Fcxk uh why can't I just forget about this whole dammit thing. It's draining my life out. :( & A part of me is going to die with it too. Alright shall go cook my dinner now since my parents are off attending some funeral. Ohwell. Bye!

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Told the counsellor about me disliking you & she said, "It's amazing how you could laugh & cry at the same time." Hahah.

I am so fcxking sad now I feel like crying. Go & die please. Thankyou.

Eng < Chem < Art < Chi < Maths < MuSP. Tmr's timetable sucks like @#$%!!! Ahh sian.

& still have to see ur fcxking face tmr. Walau eh knn.

& AMX is freaking biased lorh please. Hate her ttvfm.

Used to find her ok, but now. Nah. Go & die please.

I dislike you sometimes. I really do. But I can't show it out. Haiz.

K I see no aim of this post. So.. till then. x

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My emotions are too complicated to understand.

Yoohoo! Back to blogging. :D Sweaty, Hungry, Tired. But I am still here blogging! See I so nice right. 8D This whole month was dramatic. & it's passing way too faaaast. :'( TIME; SLOW DA FCXK DOWN. My mood's been going up & down. Like eh rollarcoaster. Zoomzoom. Though I rarely show it out. In school, I am known for being hyper & also laughing for no reasons. But deep down.. I am very emo de ok. :( Idw this year to end so fast!!!!! T^T Now it's already 17th July. The third week of this month. One more week & it would be August already!! Ohmygawd. :O Time is passing so damn fast it's scary. Hope this month won't pass so fast! Hmm so I have this bad habit of vomitting after my dinner. Nothing can go inside my stomach for dinner. Is either I not hungry, or is I eat already, then have to vomit it out. Which the lattar happened just now :(( & I was tearing non-stop. Wtf. Ok that was random. Anyway, went library with FangYing, Joyce & Clarissa! I din do anythin much cause I need to rush back for piano. :x Got released at 12.20 today. Ahah. Instead of the usual 2.20. Cause of Sec 3s Olevel LC. Woots. :B I left the libraryat 2.40 though. ><" Shall go for a longer period next time! Have counselling this Thursday. Walau eh WHY ME. Out of all people. I very guai one k. & PIANO EXAM TOMORROW. NONONONO. X.X CAN I DIE NOW? :( No. Ok why am I talking to myself k nvm. OH BTW. I MET SIYUN ON THE BUS YTD LOLLOLLOL. Speaking of yesterday, it was quite horrifying for me. D: Firstly, we had English as our first period. Annabel was quarreling with Jasper so me & KaiFeng was watching. Ms Han tot I WAS the one quarreling WITH Jasper. Then she go & like: "SHUQIN & JASPER. STOP QUARRELLING." Then she addes on, "You 2 arh, ALWAYS quarreling one siah." & the whole class was like worh worh worh. Then Ms Han continued, "They say that people who always quarrel would end up together." & the class continued worhing till damn loud. Embarassing max. D: BTW, I DO NOTNOTNOT LIKE JASPER. EWW. Second period was Music, cause we need to remove shoes when we enter the MusicRoom, so when we got ready to get back to class, I took the shoe, wore it. Then I went: "Oh shit it's not mine." So it turns out I accidentally wote Yan's shoe. K damn paiseh can. :( Nothin much happened for maths. After recess was ConversationalMalay. MY FAVOURITE PERIOD OF THE DAY. Laugh till I cried. Idk how come I was even laughing at da first place. But I know the teacher got like say: "Dun laugh too much later ur boobs expand." LOLLOL. & got one part I think she trying to say the number 2 & 3, so she like: "Dua Tigga" & someone went & shout: "SATU UMPAT." (my Malay cmi I am sorry) damn hilarious I swear. Ended the day with E.Lit tutorial! Annabel's group presented. Ahah. K shall end off now CAUSE I AM TOO TIRED. >:( Not awaiting the piano exam tomorrow. T^T WISH ME LUCK. >:D

He will never like me back.

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I'd rather spend a week fighting with my friends than years not knowing which ones truly care.

LOL kay so I din blog for quite a long time. MUAHAHAHA. Opps sorry. Was busy with school's stuff. :( & my last blog post was quite. Umh. Emo. Paiseh. D; This shall be a veryveryvery shorttttt post cause it's 1.17am now & I am damn tired but I want to fill up this space so baaaaaaaadly. #youseewhatIdidthere? Hmm.., so tomorrow is quite slack! ^^ Roots&Wings > HomeEcons > ACC > English > Chinese. Quite slack right! :D Anyways, something embarrasing happen in school. :( Ok I am gonna sleep after this. K so I think last week, Annabel went & paste "Call Me Auntie. <3" on PuiTing's table using post-it. I follow suit by pasting "Marry Me Maybe? <3" Then PuiTing din even notice trollollol wts. So we went for recess, then when I came back from the canteen, someone went & pasted the "Marry Me Maybe? <3" post-it on JASPER'S TABLE. WTFFFFF. ASDFGHJKL. K so Jasper kept annoying me with the post-it's message for the whole day. Psh. Alright shall end off now. Byee. :)

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I am never good enough.

Feeling so much better after ranting out everything to Benny. All of the stuff I was keeping inside. How I really felt. Cried alot these few days. During bio lab on Tuesday, I just totally broke down in front of Jamie.

"& Hansel said to Gretel; Let us drop these bread crumbs so that together we can find our way home because losing our way would be the most cruel of things. & once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely. Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are."

I hate myself. I hate myself for being so hypocrite. For being so mean. For being so loud. For being so stupid. For being me. But I just can't help it. Don't you understand? I just can't control my emotions. My feelings. I am sorry for being me. I am tired of being me too.

"Staring at people sitting during a stop light, you can learn alot. Within the 10 second range you are with them. They are confidence, or lack of it, shines through at that very moment they realize you are looking at them; for they can either look away or stare right back at you & hold that gaze until the light changes green."

I must be the worst friend on earth. I dislike you. But I can't just bring myself to says it. To admit it. All I can do is to store it inside. All of the hated. The feelings. The disappointment. The jealousy. The anger. The sadness. The emotions. Like a gas bubble waiting to explode.

Trust me. I know. I know how it feels like to look in the mirror, & hate what you see. I know how it feels like when someone tells you they care about you, but leaves at your lowest point. I know how it feels to think that there's absolutely nothing about you that's all that amazing, or unique, or special.

Who am I?

I know how you don't think you deserve any of what you have, because you think you're worthless. I know how hard you think before you say or do anything because you try so hard to be good enough for everyone. I know how you can't bring yourself to trust anyone.

What am I?

I know how you think you're an idiot, for loving the ones who hurt you and hurting the ones who love you. I know how you can't sleep at night because of all the things that go through your mind. I know how your heart aches because you've been so hurt before, because someone promised you something and left you.

Life used to be much easier. Much simpler.

I know how you're scared to death of that happening again, and now you can't let anyone in. I know how much you can't trust yourself not to hurt anyone who enters your life. I know how you feel so fcxked up, like you're a freak for feeling this way and nobody could ever understand how you feel. But let me tell you, You are not the only one who ever felt this way. You're not alone.

Honestly my life is so screwed up. I don't even know why am I even feeling like this. And why am I even acting like this. Just like a totally pathetic desperate bitch. I just can't stand myself sometimes. I get paranoid too easily I guess. But that's part of me. I can't erase that part. No matter how hard I try.

Ending off now. xo

"They hate you if you are pretty, They hate you if you are not. They hate you for what you lack, They hate you for what you got."

Numbness.

I am not a fcxking option so stop treating me like one.

I am honestly giving up. On you, on her, on him. On everything. Studies, Relationships, Families; Life. This is all damn screwed up. Too numb to even feel the pain. The day when even such a simple thing like dropping your pen could make you cry. Falling apart & crashing hard. Feeling alone in a crowded room. Wishes you were better off dead everyday. Getting replaced. Being left out. Waking up & feels like you just hates everyone. All of this. Do you even know how much it hurts? How much this shit hurts? No. No you don't.

The purpose of life. What is it?

I am thankful for being able to wake up everyday. :) x

Currently watching Absolute Boyfriend da Japaneseeeee Version. <33 Heh. I think Soshi is damn hawt. HOT HOT HOT. LOL. Did Chem revision today. But realized I forgotten to bring home my Chem notes. :( So I did last year's Chem revision! #LikaGoodGirl98. Tuition's cancelled yesterday. #VictoryDance woohooooooooo. CELEBRATION. Okay actually technically is like the day before yesterday ahah! As it's currently like 1.30am now & oh btw I just finish my chinese compo! Bwahahaha. Gonna start on Geog revision now. Have to mug, mug & mug. Perhaps deactivating my Twiiter in late August! Or early September. Meh. EOY starting on 1st Oct. -.- Lol wtf. ChungCheng so kaisu for fcxk. Anyways school's in tomorrow! Ohno. Hehe sorry not blogging these few days bytheway! Was quite busy. :( K hope tomorrow would be a good day!! Byeee.

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